Things my kid made me say

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When you become a parent, your kids will have you saying all kinds of things that make little sense but that are completely hilarious.
"Pearl, will you please stop pulling on the cats nipples and clean up your fort before your bath?"

Marcella, to her daughter Pearl

Pearl gets a big kick out of rubbing the cats bellies and looking for the nipples. So she sits there petting them and then shouts “I found a nipple!!” And then a minute goes by and again “I found a nipple!” She was doing this when she was supposed to be cleaning up her room before her bath.

— 2 weeks ago
"Well, it’s just not appropriate not to wear underwear to school."

To Cole, 8:14am

He is excited about his school’s pajama day.

— 3 weeks ago
"You don’t have to act like a crazy person because there are four beans on your dinner plate."
To Cole, 5:26pm
— 1 month ago
"Traditionally, ketchup and ravioli don’t go together."
To Olivia, 5:47pm
— 2 months ago
Sleeping clothes

I’m just saying, we don’t usually sleep in our clothes and then wear them to school the next day.

To Olivia, 7:56am

— 2 months ago
"Olivia, you can have a turn as soon as you pull your pants up."
3:52pm
— 3 months ago
"Livvy, you’re assigning yourself homework?"
Andy, to Olivia, who is 3 years old
— 5 months ago
"Are you going upstairs to get your poop on? … You need a “poop-on” coupon? … Trying to redeem my “poop-on” coupon!"
Andy, to Cole 6:55pm
— 5 months ago
"There’s definitely not earwax in your belly button."
To Cole, 8:43am
— 5 months ago
"Crying doesn’t bring the sausage back."
Andy, to Cole, 6:54pm
— 6 months ago