"Livvy, you’re assigning yourself homework?"
Andy, to Olivia, who is 3 years old
"Are you going upstairs to get your poop on? … You need a “poop-on” coupon? … Trying to redeem my “poop-on” coupon!"
Andy, to Cole 6:55pm
"There’s definitely not earwax in your belly button."
To Cole, 8:43am
"Crying doesn’t bring the sausage back."
Andy, to Cole, 6:54pm
"Do not hit your sister in the vagina!"
"Shout out when you drop the kids off."
Welling, to Sam, who is trying to poop.
"Oh my God! Do NOT come in here!"
Heather, regarding a poop situation on the bathroom floor.
"No, no, we’re not going to hit someone with the shark."
Melanie, regarding her daughter and a stuffed shark.
"O.K., Cole, I’m definitely in the middle of something. And that something is wiping your sister’s butt."
"No, honey, don’t stick things in your eyes."