“Please take the otter away from your vagina.”
—Alyssa to Sophia, regarding a plastic otter toy.
June 2013
3 posts
More on Sleeping Beauty
Cole: We can get Olivia Sleeping Beauty walkie-talkies….
Me: Sleeping Beauty doesn’t use walkie-talkies! You know, daddy, right?
Andy: I don’t know anything about that.
8:24am
“Please don’t wipe hot dog all over your body.”
—Andy, to Cole, 6:00pm
May 2013
7 posts
Upstairs
Olivia: Hey Dad.
Andy: Hey Liv.
Olivia: Where’s Cole?
Andy: He’s upstairs crying about things that aren’t important.
9:13am
Jack!
In the car with her son, Staci reached her threshold of listening to Jack Johnson:
“Aidan, Jack … off.”
Fortunately, her father-in-law was also in the car.
“It’s OK if you don’t want to transform into anything, Liv.”
—Andy, to Olivia, 6:16pm
Double entendre
“Stop beating your meat!”
Said to 8 year-old daughter smacking a slice of pork tenderloin with her fork during dinner.
Submitted by Crystal
Not bellybuttons
“Those are not bellybuttons. They are your nipples.”
Periodically throughout the last six months to 3 year old.
Submitted by Crystal
“Please don’t whine my name. It doesn’t make me excited to talk to you.”
—
5:03pm
“Going forward, maybe you need to speak to your sister about holding up her end of the bargain so that you may have dessert and also watch a show after dinner.”
—
6:06pm
April 2013
7 posts
“After college, when you have a career started, then you can grow a baby in your belly, right?”
—
To Olivia, 8:37am
“Mommy can spot a potty dance from miles away.”
—1:07pm
“Are you dipping your apple in apple sauce?”
—5:27pm
“Stop! No touching your butts when you’re eating.”
—1:07pm
“Mommy’s not gonna do what you want me to do unless you do what Mommy wants you to do.”
—
11:52am
“There’s no such thing as ‘Sleeping Beauty’ wrestling.”
—2:39pm
“No, you’re not going to have your mustard sandwich for dinner.”
—Andy, to Cole 5:11pm
March 2013
3 posts
“Livvy, get out of the way. You can’t be that close to someone who just pooped.”
—Regarding Cole, 6:47pm
“Meat for dessert! Meat for dessert!”
—6:03pm
“No, you can not have syrup with your french fries.”
—5:33pm
